Your reputation rests on your overall average. If you have a lot duds floating around after you’re gone, your grandchildren will be in a tough spot. They won’t want to get rid of your bozos, so you should now.
That’s why, with the help of my teenage son Franklin, I invented the “Gallery Flambeau.” This solar-powered, environmentally friendly device uses a 4-foot wide array of parabolically positioned, laser-mounted mirrors to magnify the power of the sun over 300 times. Displayed under its unforgiving glare, a painting magically transforms into a cloud of smoke and a shower of ash. Gone forever. Press delete. Your Artistic Average goes up a tiny notch.
Remember, kids, don't play with fire, and protect your eyes from the intense brightness of the hotspot by always wearing the approved Mongolian Mountaineering Safety Goggles.
a) Is that a Miyazaki shirt?!
ReplyDeleteb) Great rendition of Archimedes' 'death ray' (the parabolic mirror device). I saw one like it on Mythbusters. Ha.
WARNING:
ReplyDeleteThe breathing of artistic smoke may bring unexpected sied-effects such as:
- dizziness.
- mild irritation of nasal membrane.
- use of exotic eyewear.
Do it at your own peril.
And that's why my favourite art-disposal method include a portable cremation oven, a small single-engine aircraft and thirty-two kilograms of high-explosives. I get so many duds when drawing before I manage to come up with a good picture, everything else must go with a bang! =P
In all seriousness now:
Some of the pictures laying on the ground look pretty good from the angle we were seeing them. I'll keep trying, one day I'll be able to afford such high standards. =)
You could try sending some of your "duds" to your friends! Steph has some paintings he pulled from the trash can of a dear friend who died many years ago, and we cherish these sketches! Looks like fun
ReplyDeleteThat's hilarious. It is always comforting to know that I'm not the only one that has bad days.
ReplyDeleteThat's awesome, Jim, you're like the artworld's Nikola Tesla. Do you think a stack of animation paper could fit on that sucker?
ReplyDeleteMy mother (www.janenegrende.com) has chopped hers up and put them in the woodstove and recently confessed to running one piece over with the truck before said conflagration! It almost makes me want to come up with a real dog, just to get rid of it! Love your device, though and will be forwarding your blog to her! --LaRinda
ReplyDeleteFantastic!!...I want one of these.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right...an acquaintance died a couple years ago...he was prolific and a pack rat and his poor widow is trying to move on with her life carrying the emotional weight of several thousand heavy oil paintings she does not know what to do with. Tragic!
ReplyDeleteLooks like you have a lot of fun with this dud-culling!
I've always had sacrificial burnings using a metal garbage can but this is so much better.
ReplyDeleteRan across this on YouTube and reminded me of Gallery Flambeau.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0_nuvPKIi8&feature=player_embedded#!
Can the Gallery Flambeau melt rocks?
Wayne, thanks for the link. No, the G.F. doesn't get hot enough, unfortunately.
ReplyDelete